My wheels have been spinning for some time now about what to do about my nearly complete lack of zeal for my current job and whether I can or even want to have a full time job in academia ever again.
That's pretty heavy stuff for any night, let alone a Saturday night. My how life has changed. And, having a baby certainly makes all of this a lot more important than it was before.
It means I can't just willy-nilly up and quit my job because I no longer find it fulfilling. It also means I can't just go out and get a different one without making some major decisions that are potentially life-altering.
I have some ideas on what I could do within the capacity of my current job to make it temporarily more fulfilling, which feels good. I feel like I have at least identified a problem and have come up with a way to go about fixing it that may actually be feasible. Unfortunately the more expedient way of solving the problem would never fly with the higher ups and would severely compromise my position if I even brought it up. So, I really, really like having a plan that could work.
It's totally exciting.
I hope my proposal is well-received and that it will result not only in some more pay for me but more importantly, more fulfilling work that affords me more flexibility and more creativity while simultaneously producing a higher quality 'product.'
Now that I put it that way, it seems ambitious.
Maybe it is, but I need a change. I cannot just up and quit my job, for a number of reasons, so I have got to find a way to make it more fulfilling — and meaningful.
Oh — and I don't know what I think of it yet, but I also came to the realization recently that I am 'over' primates. I just have not had any interest in new primate research or even in talking about existing primate research.
I love monkeys. I really do, but I am not in love with them anymore. As you can see, I definitely need a change. Unfortunately, this temporary solution I have concocted is only temporary....... what to do, what to do.